It’s 2019 and you have a vision of who you want to be that you are trying to execute. In fact it’s 2018 and you had this vision, scrap that, it is any year at any time and you are trying to better yourself but you just can’t figure out why it is not happening, why you aren’t where you want to be, why you are not working at peak level. 

BOOM “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future”

That line explains it all, but we are going to go delve into it some more. 

This is going to be a reflective exercise. Take a minute and think about the 5 people closest to you. These are the 5 people that you spend the most time with. I’m not talking about your vest friend who you see twice a year. These are the 5 people that you interact the most with on a weekly basis. These people could be friends, family members, significant others and/or work colleagues – because let’s face it, if you are in a 9-5 you spend most of your week at work. 

Okay, now that you’ve figured out who those 5 people are, lets think about their attributes, lets reflect on their behaviours. How do they contribute to the relationship? How do you feel when you are around them? How do they respond to you, or how do you think they will respond if you try to talk about self development? Do they reflect the qualities of the type of person you want to become? 

For me this was an eye opener. I believed the people around me to be amazing people and I still do. But, what I found was none of them embodied the person I am striving to be. None of them had broken out of the cycle. While they aren’t exactly negative and while they too wanted more for themselves, I found that they lacked action. They were often skeptical of out-of-the-box ideas and preferred to complain about a situation instead of taking a leap of faith and changing it and so were often stuck. This is not what I was aspiring to, I do not want to find myself in the same situation, dreaming, theorising, complaining, but not taking action. While it is a tough pill to swallow – because I did not view myself this way – this is actually what I was doing. 

You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With

When thinking about my 5, I realised that Jim Rohn was right and I am the average of the 5 people I spend my time with. We are similar and their attitudes and behaviours validate my own attitude and behaviour allowing me to remain in the constant cycle. This is the law of averages* in action and If actually wanted to change then I needed take my 5 to the next level. 

That means: 

  • Creating connections with people who I aspire to be like 
    • I started going to events – I have a goal of 1 a month – where I could meet like minded people, take down their details `- meetups are really good for this
  • I am in the process of finding a mentor. At this point this is me perusing through LinkedIn and trying to find that person who embodies the woman I want to become and then chomping at their heels until I get there
  • Spending less time with those in the 5 which are holding me back. When I say this, I am not saying that they are doing so in a malicious way. But, if I want to grow then I have to out-grow them

It’s crazy because studies have shown that the influence of the people that surround you actually extends further than those 5 and in fact it goes a level deeper with the friends of friends having an influence. Moral of the story, be diligent and deliberate about the people that you let into your circle. Furthermore, if you really want to grow, surround yourself with like minded people – or even better, people who are a level above you, who embody the person you wish to become. 



If you really want to boss up and change your situation, you need to start with the people closest to you. 

Stay blessed y’all and don’t forget to subscribe


Law of averages –  the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes

Posted by:Jade Lianne

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