Often humility and compromise are confused with being compliance and acquiescent. Now I believe I am an agreeable person, but I often find myself in situations where I am constantly putting myself on a back burner for someone else. I’ve been put in a lot of unfavourable situations that could have been avoided if I’d simply stood up for myself and fought my own corner. Now I’m not saying that compromise is not important or that it should never be done. I understand that life doesn’t always give you strawberries and chicken, sometimes you’re going to be handed some lemons and have to make do with lemonade. But that doesn’t mean that your voice should go unheard, if you won’t fight for yourself who will?
Compromise vs Submission
Before I delve into this post, I want to clear any ambiguities surrounding the terms I’ve used. So, what is compromise and acquiescent? As defined by my trusty friend Google, compromise is “an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions” and acquiescent is when you are “ready to accept something without protest, or to do what someone else wants”.
So, when you compromise both parties should make a concession. But then why does it feel like in the majority of my relationships I am the one conceding, apologising and thinking of work arounds. Now don’t get me wrong I can be difficult, and I am far from perfect but when you notice that your wants and needs are constantly being disregarded in favour of other people’s dreams or issues you have to know when to draw the line. Relationships are give and take and one cannot solely be the giver and the other the taker.
I am finding that I’ve lost the energy to fight. That instead of voicing my opinion or standing up for myself I retreat to simply saying “okay”. But this acceptance brings with it no peace, it is just a way for me to emotionally check out of the situation, to build a mental wall between what it is happening and how I feel about it. Allowing me to submit without feeling defeated, enabling me to withdraw to my comfort zone. It’s safe here, there are no problems here. When I say “okay” I skip the argument, there is no risk of disappointing or upsetting the other person. It’s like I say “okay” and the problem simply goes away, everyone is happy and that’s the best result, right?
No, not right.
Stay strong, stand up, have a voice
I am finally realising that whilst it is nice to please everyone it is not my sole purpose. My purpose is to be the best person I can be. How am I supposed to be HER now if I so readily retreat? How do I evolve if I don’t challenge? Yes, compromise is necessary, but compliance that’s not for me. I don’t want to live my life just to please someone else, I want to my voice to be heard. This is part one because this is just the first phase – the breakthrough – hopefully some time soon I’ll be able to tell you what I want to say.
Find your voice and inspire others to find there’s